y?

whoa, a hell of a long time..
but i chose not to blog it..
cos i lost the thrill of it and lost the interest in it..
but i juz need to "vomit" watever i wanna say out here..

thing happened..
gd, bad, sad, happy~
everything..
but now, there are things tat happened which made me tink alot..

am i hindering her social life?
am i wrong to be wif her?
it's like all her frens are finding fault in me..
i cun be the nasty me by rebutting my way thru cos she doesnt like me to be mean to them..
heeded her words.. and i try to control my words..
den sumthing happened..
a gd fren i muz say sumwat made some revelations which affects me alot..
she din say it, but the general consentious was that i was in the middle of them..
she cun confide in her cos i would sumwat, sumway noe abt it..
toked to dear abt it, and we both agreed tat she wun reveal anything is she was being asked of..
but she wasnt..
and she din mean for any of this to happen.. she's way hurt down inside but not revealing it..
she herself is going thru a tuff time wif all these happening..
and den now comes my wild tots..
am i hindering her..
if i am, wat am i supposed to do?
break off wif her?
let her haf all the time wif her frens..
but apparently i cun do tat..
i love her too much and i noe she feels the same way too..
y am i an eyesore?
too popular?
having too much of an attitude?
watever it is, i reallly dun understand y frenship n r/s co-exist..
i agree my frenships take a slight back seat when im in a r/s, but one thing i noe..
they are there when i need them..
they dun need me to be there 24/7, all they need to noe is tat i'll be there when they're in need..
like i noe they would..
so i really dunno y this prob would arise for her??
it makes me feel bad...
putting her in a difficult position..
another thing i juz found out..
im not gonna see her or meet up wif her for 6 days in 2 wks time...
a torture for me..
letting her take up a committment during the hols is already a blow to me..
y??
cos im enlisting soon..
n i really wanna spend as much time as possible wif her..
but i guess i'll be spending minimal time instead..
sumthng which i really dread..
sigh..

im really afraid all these events would put a strain to our r/s..
as if NS is not a big enuff hurdle..
but like an aritcle i read a few days ago..

"the quickest way to solve a prob in a r/s is to end it. but the best way to sustain a r/s is to face the prob face to face and solve it. not only would it pull both of u tighter together, it would put a sort of confidence in both of u that nuthing's a prob anymore."

i noe she tinks the same way too..
let's hope all these juz get over soon..

to my frens, thanks alot for being there when i need u guys..
tho i din pay much attention to u guys..
i noe u guys are always there~
frens always bros n sis~
=P

anyways on a side note for my darling..
im gonna try very x100 hard to rectify my current prob..
trust me..
but it aint an easy task..
be patient for the time being..
i swear i'll be better in due time..
i promise..
:)