penny for my tot...

hm..
anyway did u guys read my tag board..
theres this "mysterious" person by the name of littleboy dissing me off..
hm..
wonder who can it be..
but me being me, wun take anything lying down, shall launch a rebuttal..
=P

firstly, who are u in all this to judge who i am?
since u urself said tat im in no position to judge her, wat gave u the right to judge me?

secondly, u muz be sumone related to her or even her, herself to display such angst..
so y dun u juz reveal urself so tat we dun need to tok anonymously..
if u haf the guts tat is..
since u already threathened me to watch my back..

thirdly, i've never laid full responsibility on her for the failure of out r/s..
if u could actually read english, i was toking abt how she pushed my limit AFTER the r/s..
guess ur brain doesnt haf the capacity to act interpret it the rite way...
shant blame u here, sum pple like u juz dun haf the brains...

lastly, this is my blog..
i write watever i feel..
it's ur choice to read it..
not happy abt it?
juz dun read..
im not forcing ya...

oh yah, im not ashame to say my petrol is being paid by my parents...
they willingly did it..
other than them, i dun rem asking anybody else cept' myself paying for it...
so get ur bloody facts rite b4 launching any attacks..

to end all these, the person who shld grow up shld really be u...
go process...
u need the time to do it...

hatred....

hate is a four letter i wun use easily...
rather use words like "dislike", "no gd affliation for" or even "dun like"...
but now i really gotta use this word...
i HATE her...

y cun she grow up for once??
n im supposed to be the childish one..
cun she juz let go??
STILL minding over small matters and finidng faults..
really make me find her damn irritable...

she hated me first..
i dun wanna hate her..
so i tried my best to be a neutral person..
but she gotta push the limit n make me hate her...
dun understand her mindset..
it's like she's testing my limit..
but today was a fine example of almost to there...
one more time she pisses me off, im gonna go over n give her a tight slap..
tat was for today..
tmr would start afresh wif limit at zero..
lets see how far can she push me...
im no mr nice guy den..
tats all i cna say abt tat..

find tat the song She Hates Me by Puddle of Mudd really depicts this situation..
but in this case, i hate her too..
damnit..
y muz it be this way..
i tried my best to turn it for the better but she gotta be the bitch in this whole thing n make it this way..
sigh~
watever it is, i tried my best..
my conscience is clear...

on a lighter note...
went to Sepang during the wkends..
to catch the MotoGP..
for the ignorant it's the motorcycle grand prix..
=)
it was damn thrilling..
listning to the engine roar and screech..
but too bad, no crashes...
haha~
took tons of pics..
would try to post it up when im free..
=P

tats it for now..
juz wanna hope she dun play wif my fire..
cos she would get burnt real bad...

washing machine..

a fren of mine changed her nick to "washing machine"..
it made me tink...
life's like a washing machine..
n im feeling like a washing machine myself..
lemme explain the above metaphors...

life, is juz like a washing machine..
u haf everything thrown into it..
u haf plain colored clothes and patterned ones..
u haf pants, shorts and even skirts..
u haf briefs, bra and even panties..
now can u see my pt?
=P
juz wanna state that life's like tat..
u haf all sorts of variations of things..
may it be happy or sad, dead or alive..
all these are part of life..
which kinda suck i admit..
but acceptance i muz..
=)

now lets go on to wat im feeling...
u noe how a washing machine roll and tumble..
mixing the clothes in it arnd..
im feeling like tat now..
but replace the clothes to be emotions n feelings...
i dunno wat im feeling nor missing now..
i tink i noe wat im feeling, but i doubt it in the next moment..
i feel tat im missing sumone, but am i missing her or juz the feeling of being wif her??
feel tat im living a dillema..
neither here nor there...
and so the machine roll n tumble...
and my innards follow...

y am i such a complicated person?
or izzit tat im tinking too much...
hm....

the light had shone...

alrite, i guess the light had shone on me..
at least tats wat i tink..
maybe it was a choice of despair or maybe tats the rite path..
but whichever it is..
it had happened..
let's juz hope it's the right one..
but it's definately not the same decision i made the previous time round..
it made me tink as though im experimenting for future references..
but i dun like tat thought...
damn...

anyway below is a poem by Wislawa Szymborska called Love at First Sight...
it's an easily understood yet meaningful n deep...
it's hard for me to describe wat i feel abt it..
but it's everything gd..

the line "Fate has been playing with them. Not quite yet ready to change into destiny, "
bring abt wat i wrote in my previous post...
fate is playing wif me..
maybe it's juz tat the time aint rite for it to change into destiny..
my destiny..
would there be a day where it actually does, i dunno..
but at least i noe it would..
not for me, at least for others...
cos i see it but i dun realise it...

anyway here goes the poem for appreciation...
=)


Love at First Sight
by Wislawa Szymborska

They both thought
that a sudden feeling had united them
This certainty is beautiful,
Even more beautiful than uncertainty.

They thought they didn't know each other,
nothing had ever happened between them,
These streets, these stairs, this corridors,
Where they could have met so long ago?

I would like to ask them,
if they can remember -
perhaps in a revolving door
face to face one day?
A "sorry" in the crowd?
"Wrong number" on the 'phone?
- but I know the answer.
No, they don't remember.

How surprised they would be
For such a long time already
Fate has been playing with them.

Not quite yet ready
to change into destiny,
which brings them nearer and yet further,
cutting their path
and stifling a laugh,
escaping ever further;
There were sings, indications,
undecipherable, what does in matter.
Three years ago, perhaps
or even last Tuesday,
this leaf flying
from one shoulder to another?
Something lost and gathered.
Who knows, perhaps a ball already
in the bushes, in childhood?

There were handles, door bells,
where, on the trace of a hand,
another hand was placed;
suitcases next to one another in the
left luggage.
And maybe one night the same dream
forgotten on walking;

But every beginning
is only a continuation
and the book of fate is
always open in the middle.

Translation from Polish by Roman Gren

sense of humor...

life haf a weird sense of humor..
its lackey, fate, would be the one doing the practical jokes on us...
i really find tat my life is playing a cruel practical joke on me...
and fate is the key "person" in this joke...

sumthing left, sumthing came...
the thing which came is like the thing tat left...
it made me go "DEJA VU~"

i feel so familiar in this situation..
the same unknowingness...
the same emotions start to flood in...
the same thing im gonna do would happen..
but wait..
did i do the rite thing b4??
and shld i implement it again this time round??
dillema sets in...

im an emotionally driven person..
everybody noes tat..
im a dumb person cos i use my heart more than my brain to tink...
i dunno y but i use my instincts...
shld i follow my instinct or my brain??
dillema sets in again...

the determined n headstrong part of me isnt doing me any gd...
but it aint doing any harm as well...
i wanna hold on yet i wanna let go...
im self contradicting...
but tats juz jeryd...

let the light shine on me...
pls.....
=)