afraid...

i felt a rojak of feelings for a short moment of a sec or 2...
there was a dash of anxiousness, frightfulness, anger and hope...
all these in a sec..
wat can make me feel so much in such a short time??
read on...

was on my way to the "in-laws" wif my darling...
was sticking on the right most lane of a 2 lane carriageway..
moving straight at a mere speed of 50km/h or so...
approaching a junction, a maroon merc vito was there inching out, trying to turn out frm the minor lane...
while i was like 5m or less frm the junction, he juz move off and was blocking both lanes of the road...
i jammed my both my brakes, horned tat blardy f***er and he din move...
i couldnt hold my brakes any longer as the bike would skid..
so i juz let it go...
and w/o my knowledge, instinctively, i swerved into the oncoming traffic and swerved back into my lane after the bloody van...
wat happened after tat was ugly..
for those hu noes me well would noe wat happened...

during tat brief moment frm the time i released the brake lever to the time i swerved back into the correct direction...
i felt tat rojak...
anxious cos i dunno wat would happen..
frightened cos i dun wnana haf any accident wif my darling behind..
dun wanna hurt her, i dun care if it's me alone..
in fact im more than happy to be compensated...
was damn f***ing angry cos tat van would haf saw me approaching as i wasnt speeding and he would haf to wait for me to go pass the junction b4 moving off...
and i was hoping i could get out of this unharm and unscathe..
for my baby behind...

during tat moment..
my eyes were opened wide..
but all i could see was a patch of maroon and blur images..
of wat i cun tell..
maybe of my darling, my family, my frens and my life..
but in tat moment of facing death, i knew sumthing..
i wasnt prepared to die..
not juz yet..
i wanna live my life wif pam..
i dun juz wanna die and never experienced wat's gonna happen in my later half of my life...
and i was afraid of death..
all those big words of "juz bring it" and "im not scared" are juz bullshit..
i was really really scared...
in fact i readily admitted i wept..
wept cos i knew i was so close to death...
and tats not wat i wanted..

im bringing a totally new view of life now..
i wanna live life to the fullest and treasure everything i haf..
cos i may die now...
after tat close shave...
im still trembling frm tat encounter...
thank whoever up there tat protected me and my darling..
thank you....


now on a lighter note..
i was asked to write abt my third mth wif my dar dar..
so here it goes..
brought her to haf a feast at marche...
we had rosti, pizza, pasta and stingray...
ate till i was bloated...
really couldnt walk..
the same goes for her..
after a walk arnd orchard..
i brought her to telok blangah hills..
sumwhere romantic wif a view to die for..
went down on my knees and gave her the ring..
act went down halfway..
cos i was a lil shy..
hehe~
put it on her and she was grinning profusely..
told her that few words which i meant it for everyhting i am..
tats abt it...
anyway love her alot..
i dunno y..
i juz love her..
now i noe y love cun be explained...
like how i cun explain how my love for her is so strong n burning...
love ya my sweetheart...
=)